The Moment Your Business Outgrows Your Friends
Friends & Business
Starting a business with people you know is pure gold. But what happens when your company grows beyond the power of friendship? At that stage, decisions shouldn’t be made on gut feeling but on facts and fit.
You’ve probably seen it — or maybe lived it yourself. You start something with someone you know well: a friend, a former colleague, a family member, or that person you once clicked with at a networking event. It feels right. You complement each other, you trust each other, and the energy flows.
That’s how many great companies are born: from connection, friendship and shared drive.
And honestly, that beginning is often gold. Trust, fun and loyalty are the fuel for an exciting start. But there comes a moment when the company outgrows that first circle of friends — and then the game changes.
The Power and the Challenge of a Friend-Founded Company
Starting a company with friends is often a huge advantage. You know each other inside out, you move fast, and you share the same ambition. That chemistry creates speed, creativity and courage.
But as the company grows, things shift. The dynamic changes. Your team expands, investors come in, customers expect more structure — and suddenly it’s no longer just about understanding each other, but about understanding the company.
What once felt natural now requires professionalism. And that moment can be both exciting and uncomfortable.
My Own Experience
When I joined YoungCapital, I immediately felt the unique energy of a close-knit group of friends who had been building something big together for years. That was their power: speed, trust and a shared mission everyone believed in.
But there came a point where the company grew so fast that we had to professionalise — not to lose that culture, but to protect it. We sharpened responsibilities, added structure, and brought in new people with fresh perspectives. And it worked.
Now, as a fractional CEO and founder of my own company, ELiN Partners — which I started with my former colleague Elbrich Batstra — I see how valuable that experience was. It makes me very aware of the delicate balance between personal connection and professional growth.
The combination of friendship and maturity is ultimately what makes startups stronger.
A Familiar Face in a Key Role
In the growth phase, placing family, friends or acquaintances in crucial roles can be risky — sometimes even unwise. Not because it always goes wrong, but because assumptions arise easily.
When people start feeling that information is no longer shared safely, the culture comes under pressure.
One wrong hire can drain your company’s energy: people leave, great ideas stall, and that extra spark of commitment quietly disappears. That’s why decisions at this stage shouldn’t be based on feeling but on facts and on fit with the company’s future.
If You Still Want to Do It…
Here are a few lessons I’ve seen work over the years:
• Be open about relationships. Just say it: “We’ve known each other for a while.” Naming it removes tension and sets the right example.
• Work with clear criteria. Friendship is not a competence. Define what the role requires and assess candidates against hard criteria, not your feelings.
• Invite outside perspective. Involve an independent voice in key decisions. It keeps you sharp and builds trust within the organisation.
• Start small. Let someone join on a project or temporary basis first. Test whether the collaboration also works in a professional context.
• Define roles clearly. Clear responsibilities prevent misunderstandings and protect the friendship.
Real Loyalty
Leadership means making tough calls. The real question isn’t: “Do I know someone who can do this?”
It’s: “Do I dare choose the best person — even if that’s not my friend?”
Because real loyalty isn’t to your friend or relative. It’s to the company, the people who work in it, and to yourself as a leader who wants to keep growing.
A company built on friendship is not the problem — it’s often the reason for your success. The real challenge is knowing when it’s time to take the next step: from friends to professionals, without losing the connection along the way.
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Ineke Kooistra Blog & Articles
